How to Transform Your Marriage: The Courage to Break Free from Old Patterns
At Therapy Co. Counseling, we know that marriage isn’t about perfection; it’s about growth. Every relationship experiences moments of joy, connection, and intimacy—but also moments of misunderstanding, frustration, and pain. When those challenges arise, many couples feel stuck, replaying the same arguments, avoiding the same issues, or silently drifting apart.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve wondered: “Can we really fix this?” The good news is, the answer is yes. Healing is possible, and it starts with what Terry Real, the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT), calls "full-respect living." We like to teach couples how to lovingly goo toe-to-toe with each other where there is mutual respect, a strong back, and an open heart.
Why Patterns Keep You Stuck
One of the most powerful insights in RLT is the idea that we all carry emotional baggage from our past into our relationships. Whether it’s the coping mechanisms we developed in childhood or the ways we’ve learned to defend ourselves, these patterns often sabotage the very intimacy we long for.
Here’s the tricky part: most couples don’t realize they’re caught in these destructive cycles. You may think you’re arguing about money, parenting, or chores, but underneath, you’re likely battling feelings of disconnection, unworthiness, or resentment…and years of either being unable to communicate it clearly, or be heard in a way that moves toward repairing it.
At Therapy Co., we help couples in Carrollton, Atlanta, and across Georgia identify and break these patterns, creating a path to authentic connection.
What Does Breaking Free Look Like?
Imagine this: Instead of replaying that same argument about who’s right or wrong, you and your partner pause to ask, “What’s really going on here?” Instead of reacting defensively, you lean in with curiosity. Instead of feeling like opponents, you become a team again.
This is the heart of RLT: stepping into radical accountability and learning new skills to build emotional closeness. It’s not about blaming or shaming—it's about growing.
Some of the shifts we help couples make include:
Moving from defensiveness to openness.
Replacing criticism with clear, loving communication.
Recognizing the deeper wounds that drive conflict—and learning how to heal them together.
Therapy That Meets You Where You Are
We know life is busy. Whether you’re in Metro Atlanta, West Georgia, or beyond, Therapy Co. Counseling is here to help couples create lasting change. Sure, you’ll learn skills and tools for relationship health, but what happens when you go home and a fight happens and those skills go out the window? We work with the part of you that won’t use those skills when you go home…the deeper parts of you that are driving the relational issues in your marriage. Our team offers both in-person and virtual therapy sessions so you can access expert support in a way that fits your schedule. Busy and can’t come weekly? We offer intensives so you can deep drive and cover a lot of ground in a few hours or a half a day..whatever prolonged length of time you agree upon with your therapist.
And let’s face it: the most important investment you can make isn’t in a car, house, or vacation—it’s in the health of your relationship. When you and your partner are connected, everything else in life becomes easier to navigate. Couples who are connected have improved health, make more money, have happier children.
Ready to Transform Your Marriage?
Your relationship doesn’t have to stay stuck in the same patterns. At Therapy & Co. Counseling, we use proven techniques, including Relational Life Therapy, to help you create a relationship built on mutual respect, deep understanding, and lasting intimacy.
Schedule a consultation with us today, and take the first step toward a stronger, healthier, more connected marriage.
You deserve a love that grows—and we’re here to help you find it. Email or call/text to book a free phone consultation with one of our therapists.
When to Apologize and How to Do it Well
Apologizing is no easy feat. I work with many couples, families, and individuals who are hurting, and want their loved ones to recognize their hurt, and expect an apology in some capacity. But, why is apologizing so hard to do? And if we don’t mean it, should we still apologize? We have conceptualized apologizing as a vehicle for admitting we are wrong, smoothing things over, or giving in, any of which signify that we may be weak. Contrary to popular belief, it takes great strength and courage to dare to apologize, and here is guide for when to do it, and how to do it well.
Apologizing is no easy feat. I work with many couples, families, and individuals who are hurting, and want their loved ones to recognize their hurt, and expect an apology in some capacity. But, why is apologizing so hard to do? And if we don’t mean it, should we still apologize? We have conceptualized apologizing as a vehicle for admitting we are wrong, smoothing things over, or giving in, any of which signify that we may be weak. Contrary to popular belief, it takes great strength and courage to dare to apologize, and here is guide for when to do it, and how to do it well.
When to apologize:
Someone expresses that you’ve hurt them in some way. Whether you’re told (sometimes not so gracefully) that you’ve upset, angered, disappointed, embarrassed, scared, betrayed, etc someone, this person has become vulnerable enough to share difficult feelings and upset with you. When you can acknowledge their hurt, you are vulnerable in response. That mutual vulnerability is the antidote to shame, secrecy, and silence, and thus becomes the basis for human connection, and in couples, it breeds intimacy. Apologizing in this context can be empowering for several reasons: you hold yourself accountable for your actions/reactions, you demonstrate integrity, and the ability to remain non-judgmental when someone is open and honest and vulnerable with you. As a result, TRUST is born.
When you want to feel closer to someone with whom you feel there is distance. An apology has the ability to soothe and heal because it is a form of validation. The reason is because when you acknowledge how you hurt someone (whether it was intentional or not, and whether you agree with it or not), you are really saying “I’m there for you. I care about you. Your feelings are important to me and matter to me. I am willing to listen and understand you, even when it is difficult to do. I’ve got your back.” As a result, TRUST is rebuilt.
How to apologize:
1. Apologize for the thing they are upset about or hurt over.
I’m sorry for.../I apologize for.../I feel really bad for...
2. Acknowledge their pain by owning your mistakes/wrongdoings/or your role in the pain you caused someone else. This does not mean admitting you’re wrong when you really believe you’re right. This means validating how the other person felt about your actions without justifying your behavior. If you justify your behavior, it doesn’t feel genuine; it’s getting defensive.
This was wrong because.../It made you feel.../I wish I hadn’t because..
3. Make amends by strategizing and problem solving how you can work to change things in the future. This step trips people up because it is often the missing ingredient in conflict resolution. Making amends means you have every intention of trying not to repeat this behavior and it demonstrates a plan of action.
Next time.../In the future I will…
4. Ask for forgiveness. Plain and simple. It is a powerful gesture, because it is a humble exchange of vulnerability and power. It is also a way to gather closure that really signifies when a conflict has been resolved. Just ensure that it is sincere, and be mindful of tone of voice and body language as you say it.
Please forgive me.../Will you forgive me.../Can you forgive me
Let’s take a look at these 2 scenarios for example:
“Look, I said I’m sorry if you feel like I hurt your feelings, but you were being a jerk to me. You should know by now I was joking anyway. Besides, I had a bad day and it would be nice if you could understand that. Can we drop it now?”
"I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings. I wish I hadn’t said those things to you because it made you feel sad. Next time, I will do my best to let you know that I’ve had a bad day and I will work on calming down before taking my anger out on you. Will you forgive me?"
Which one would make you feel more heard, validated, and understood? Most likely B! The beautiful thing about this kind of apology is that you will invite the other person to reciprocate the apology process and reflect what they are learning from you back to you. This means when you initiate an apology, you get to be the catalyst for change. Talk about power!
Remember, you don’t have to apologize for feeling some type of way. For example, you’re not apologizing for getting mad. What you are apologizing for is genuinely causing someone else distress. And acknowledging that is how to show love and care. (“I’m not sorry for having a bad day. I am sorry that because of my bad day, I made you feel bad, too.)
Need some help figuring out how to issue an apology for your particular scenario? Or struggling with feeling weak or too vulnerable to apologize? I’d like to help. Call me today at 678-796-8255 or schedule an appointment online!
BENEFITS OF PREMARITAL COUNSELING
As a couples and marriage therapist, there is one area of the field that I wish was more popular: premarital counseling. I cringe a little bit inside every time I hear a couple say they don’t need pre-marital counseling because: “we never argue,” or “we get along so well,” or “we agree on almost everything,” or “we are just so happy already.” While that may be true, premarital counseling can be very effective in setting the tone for how resilient your marriage is when those tough waves come rolling in. Premarital counseling can help you prepare for your marriage, and not just the wedding. The wedding lasts for one day, but the marriage is intended to last forever.
As a couples and marriage therapist, there is one area of the field that I wish was more popular: premarital counseling. I cringe a little bit inside every time I hear a couple say they don’t need pre-marital counseling because: “we never argue,” or “we get along so well,” or “we agree on almost everything,” or “we are just so happy already.” While that may be true, premarital counseling can be very effective in setting the tone for how resilient your marriage is when those tough waves come rolling in. Premarital counseling can help you prepare for your marriage, and not just the wedding. The wedding lasts for one day, but the marriage is intended to last forever.
Realistic Expectations. Every relationship has peaks and valleys. If you assume that your relationship will only be comprised of peaks, you are already setting yourself up for failure. In fact, many couples grow closer together during the valleys if they know exactly how to do so. Premarital counseling can help you discover what you should be discussing with each other, begin having conversations about how you can handle the valleys, and learn how to predict them.
Marital Satisfaction. According to a survey published in the Journal of Family Psychology, couples with premarital education reported higher levels of marital satisfaction and experienced a 30 percent decline in the likelihood of divorce over five years.
Early Intervention. Married couples tend to wait on average 7 years before seeking professional help with marital issues. This means there has been a lot of time for anger, frustration, resentment and emotional distance to creep in. The benefit of premarital counseling is that it can help you nix potential issues before they snowball into larger problems.
Cutting Edge. Marriage counseling has about an 80% success rate for couples who already report having issues keeping them stuck. Committing to premarital counseling now can give you an advantageous edge over couples who decide to go into the marriage without help or insight.
Solid Foundation. It sets the stage for the relationship. By committing to premarital counseling, you are demonstrating that your relationship is a priority, even when things are going well. Learning how to stay connected to each other is often easier to do when things are going well, rather than when intense emotions are running high. I like to think of it like this: imagine you buy a house to remodel it, and it has really ugly carpet, floors, cabinets, wall colors, etc. But, you can see the potential in it if only you can fix the cosmetic issues and make it pretty again. Now imagine there is a crack in the foundation of the house. It won’t matter how pretty it is on the inside if a cracked foundation means it all could crumble and come crashing down later. Let’s reinforce that foundation early on.
Overcome Fear. You can banish the fear that talking about the relationship will cause more problems. Some couples are worried that premarital counseling can shed light on problems in the relationship, wanting to avoid it altogether. Although, the opposite is true, as addressing it early on can help you learn to resolve conflict or get your needs met quickly and effectively. In fact, in my experience, couples who avoid conflict because of fear of rocking the boat eventually become dissatisfied in their marriage, as do couples who argue over and over with no resolution.
Communicate. You will learn how to communicate. Premarital counseling can help you understand why couples fight, learn how to fight fairly and in a way that won’t be damaging or destructive to the relationship, and how to stop a fight before it begins. So regardless of conversations about money, sex, kids, family/friends, or religion, you will know how to have constructive conversations.
Gain wisdom. The beauty in working with a therapist or a counseling who offers premarital counseling is that they have likely had hundreds or thousands of couples in their office who have been struggling in their relationship. Consider your therapist a wealth of knowledge who can shed some insight on the most common reasons they’ve seen couples split up, or why some relationships worked better than others.
Build rapport. Working with a premarital therapist already gets you connected and established with a professional in the area of romantic relationships. Moving forward in your marriage, if you do have issues arise and want to sort it out with a neutral third party, you will already have that contact and that rapport built with someone who knows you and your relationship. It makes it much easier to pick up the phone and say “Hey, remember me? I’d love to make an appointment with you.”
Smart Investment. Money is probably one of the biggest reasons many people don’t commit to premarital counseling. It can be expensive, of course. But so is a wedding dress, and venue, flowers, catering, etc. However, I also know that premarital counseling is a cheaper alternative to a divorce and divorce attorney fees. Plain and simple, premarital counseling is the one thing that gives you a return on your investment when you’re planning a wedding by helping you actually prepare for marriage, making you smart!
Marriage License Discount. Speaking of money, you can often receive a discount on your marriage license fee (usually around $76 in Carrollton, Ga) or have your marriage license fee waived completely in some counties if you complete a premarital counseling course. In Carroll County, you receive a $40 discount, reducing your marriage license fee to $36.
If you are ready to maximize your experience with your future spouse and are interested in giving premarital counseling a try, call me today at 678-796-8255 and we can see if it is a good fit for you!
HOW DOES PREMARITAL COUNSELING WORK?
If you are recently engaged, approaching engagement, or considering marriage to your partner, you may have heard of pre-marital counseling. These days, it is not uncommon for pastors or certain churches to require it of couples before they walk down the aisle together. If you are wondering how it works, or what to expect from the process, here is a glimpse into how I work with premarital couples.
If you are recently engaged, approaching engagement, or considering marriage to your partner, you may have heard of pre-marital counseling. These days, it is not uncommon for pastors or certain churches to require it of couples before they walk down the aisle together. If you are wondering how it works, or what to expect from the process, here is a glimpse into how I work with premarital couples.
I hold a PREPARE/ENRICH certification, so I use the PREPARE/ENRICH curriculum to guide our premarital work together. You may be wondering what PREPARE/ENRICH is. PREPARE/ENRICH is a customized couples assessment that you take online that takes a snapshot of where your relationship is and helps you identify areas in your relationship that are a strength or asset, and areas of your relationship that has opportunity for growth. It is also the #1 premarital inventory and couples assessment tool and has been used over the last 30 years.
Each partner will take an online assessment. You will complete it individually and it is very thorough, and takes about 45 minutes to complete. It provides a snapshot of your relationship, and after analyzing your results, it will show us what areas of their relationship is strong, and what areas could use a little extra growth or reinforcement. Then, I will meet with you in person to review your results and help guide you through what it means. This will give us a guide for where to start and where to focus our time and energy. Topics that get covered are: communication, conflict resolution, trust, intimacy, finances, family, personality differences, and even religion if that is important to you as a couple. We also can go over other areas of interest if desired.
Areas of the assessment are customized, such as if you want the assessment to be faith-based, if you’ve been previously married, if there are children involved, etc. In fact, if children are already involved, you may opt to have the assessment that includes a parenting track, helping learn how to blend families or learn to co-parent more effectively together.
As a couple, you will receive your results in your Couples Report that shows graphs and data based on your findings, and it guides you through what kinds of relationship skills you can be working on to enrich your relationship and prepare for life together. You will also receive a couple’s workbook filled with tools, skills, and exercises designed to help you reach your relationship goals, helping you to:
- Explore strength and growth areas
- Strengthen communication skills
- Identify and manage major stressors
- Resolve conflict using the Ten Step Model
- Develop a more balanced relationship
- Explore family of origin issues
- Discuss financial planning and budgeting
- Establish personal, couple and family goals
- Understand and appreciate personality differences
We can spend as few or as many sessions together as you like, just depending on how many areas you want to focus. However, I recommend a minimum of 6 sessions, to ensure you can cover all the content necessary. Aside from PREPARE/ENRICH, I help you explore your ability to handle hot-topics that I commonly see in my work with couples, and provide you with ideas on how you can continue to get your needs met from each other even when the going gets tough. This information will give you a foundation for your marriage so that you can have a relationship that stands the test of time.
I like to make this fun for couples, so when you come, you will have snacks & treats, beverages, notepads & pens, your couples report, and your workbook.
I love that you and your partner are interested in premarital counseling. Many couples spend lots of time, energy, and money focusing on the wedding and searching for the perfect dress, venue, flowers, music, cake, food, etc...and as lovely as it all will be, it is wonderful that premarital counseling is the one thing you will spend money on that will provide you with a return on your investment. Premarital counseling isn’t for everyone, I understand. But it is for those of you who are interested in investing in your relationship foundation, as it will be your marriage that stands the test of time when the beautiful details of the wedding are just a memory.