How to Transform Your Marriage: The Courage to Break Free from Old Patterns

At Therapy Co. Counseling, we know that marriage isn’t about perfection; it’s about growth. Every relationship experiences moments of joy, connection, and intimacy—but also moments of misunderstanding, frustration, and pain. When those challenges arise, many couples feel stuck, replaying the same arguments, avoiding the same issues, or silently drifting apart.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve wondered: “Can we really fix this?” The good news is, the answer is yes. Healing is possible, and it starts with what Terry Real, the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT), calls "full-respect living." We like to teach couples how to lovingly goo toe-to-toe with each other where there is mutual respect, a strong back, and an open heart.

Why Patterns Keep You Stuck

One of the most powerful insights in RLT is the idea that we all carry emotional baggage from our past into our relationships. Whether it’s the coping mechanisms we developed in childhood or the ways we’ve learned to defend ourselves, these patterns often sabotage the very intimacy we long for.

Here’s the tricky part: most couples don’t realize they’re caught in these destructive cycles. You may think you’re arguing about money, parenting, or chores, but underneath, you’re likely battling feelings of disconnection, unworthiness, or resentment…and years of either being unable to communicate it clearly, or be heard in a way that moves toward repairing it.

At Therapy Co., we help couples in Carrollton, Atlanta, and across Georgia identify and break these patterns, creating a path to authentic connection.

What Does Breaking Free Look Like?

Imagine this: Instead of replaying that same argument about who’s right or wrong, you and your partner pause to ask, “What’s really going on here?” Instead of reacting defensively, you lean in with curiosity. Instead of feeling like opponents, you become a team again.

This is the heart of RLT: stepping into radical accountability and learning new skills to build emotional closeness. It’s not about blaming or shaming—it's about growing.

Some of the shifts we help couples make include:

• Moving from defensiveness to openness.

• Replacing criticism with clear, loving communication.

• Recognizing the deeper wounds that drive conflict—and learning how to heal them together.

Therapy That Meets You Where You Are

We know life is busy. Whether you’re in Metro Atlanta, West Georgia, or beyond, Therapy Co. Counseling is here to help couples create lasting change. Sure, you’ll learn skills and tools for relationship health, but what happens when you go home and a fight happens and those skills go out the window? We work with the part of you that won’t use those skills when you go home…the deeper parts of you that are driving the relational issues in your marriage. Our team offers both in-person and virtual therapy sessions so you can access expert support in a way that fits your schedule. Busy and can’t come weekly? We offer intensives so you can deep drive and cover a lot of ground in a few hours or a half a day..whatever prolonged length of time you agree upon with your therapist.

And let’s face it: the most important investment you can make isn’t in a car, house, or vacation—it’s in the health of your relationship. When you and your partner are connected, everything else in life becomes easier to navigate. Couples who are connected have improved health, make more money, have happier children.

Ready to Transform Your Marriage?

Your relationship doesn’t have to stay stuck in the same patterns. At Therapy & Co. Counseling, we use proven techniques, including Relational Life Therapy, to help you create a relationship built on mutual respect, deep understanding, and lasting intimacy.

Schedule a consultation with us today, and take the first step toward a stronger, healthier, more connected marriage.

You deserve a love that grows—and we’re here to help you find it. Email or call/text to book a free phone consultation with one of our therapists.

How to Deal When Conflict is Hard

Conflict in relationships is one of those things that gets a bad reputation. Much like discomfort or pain. We sometimes mistakenly assume that relationships should not have moments of conflict, despair, frustration, discomfort, or pain. It is important that we learn what conflict really means so that we can deal with it accordingly. Typically in couples dynamics, conflict is not usually the problem we face, it is knowing how to deal with it in a way that doesn’t create calamity in our relationships. To have conflict is to be normal. But to avoid conflict, discomfort or pain is to sabotage an opportunity for growth. Conflict is really just growth trying to happen in your relationship.

Let’s talk about our tasty crustacean friend, the lobster for just a moment. Lobsters have a hard outer shell and a soft fleshy inside (similar to many of us at times, right?) So, how do lobsters actually grow if they have this hard, fixed shell? Doesn’t the lobster feel trapped or stuck? The lobster doesn’t start out full grown, so how did it grow to begin with? How will it continue to get bigger?

Well, what we know about lobsters is that their bodies/brains generate a signal to them that it is time to grow...time to shed the current shell and create a new one that is bigger. Guess what that signal is? Discomfort and pain. As soon as the lobster begins to outgrow his shell, he becomes uncomfortable. This triggers to the lobster that it is time to grow. He then retreats to a rocky area where he buries himself in the sand away from predators, and he begins the process of shedding his old shell, revealing only the soft fleshy skin and making him very vulnerable to the world around him. During this time, he is able to create a new shell that will have enough room for his growing body. The shell hardens, and he now has room to grow. This process continues throughout his lifespan.

What does a lobster have to do with couples and conflict? Well, first of all, if the lobster went to the doctor and told him he was in pain and uncomfortable, today’s orientation to medicine might suggest that the lobster should have the symptom treated. Uncomfortable? In pain? In distress? Let’s prescribe Mr. Lobster a Valium, a Xanax, perhaps a Lorcet or a Percocet. Let’s get rid of his pain because pain is bad. Right? Not always.

If the doctor prescribed medication to alleviate the lobster’s symptoms, yes, the lobster would possibly be pain free, but the lobster would never truly be able to grow. The doctor would be doing the lobster a disservice, and stunting his brain and his body’s natural ability to regulate growth.

Same goes with couples who are experiencing conflict. Conflict is an indication that growth needs to happen. We are so afraid of conflict and the discomfort and the pain that sometimes comes with it that we fail to see it as an opportunity for change, growth, and ultimately peace and comfort. There is no detour for pain...we can only go through it. Once we go through it, there is a wonderful world of opportunities and possibilities waiting for us on the other side.

If you are conflict avoidant, you walk on eggshells, you try not to rock the boat and please people for the sake of sparing an argument...try something different: Be a lobster. Know that this is a chance to grow, to create change, and to get to where you ultimately need to be.

If you would like some help learning to lean into the struggles in your relationship, we are here for you. We are happy to help you learn to be a lobster, to help you and your mate grow through conflict and deal with it in a way that is healthy and fosters growth and forward motion. If you’re feeling uncomfortable in your relationship, here’s your sign. The time is now and we would love to help. Call today at 678-796-8255 or schedule an appointment online.

 

Will My Therapist Tell Me to Divorce?

So, you may be thinking about marriage or couples counseling and have started looking for a therapist. Finding the right fit can be confusing and sometimes a bit of a challenge, especially if you don't know what to expect. Many clients are nervous that when they finally do meet with their therapist, they will be met with some kind of fate about the relationship and that they will possibly hear something they don't want to. This is extremely normal and common for many individuals and couples pursuing therapy. If you're wondering if a therapist will tell you what to do regarding your relationship, then we have an answer for you.

Often times, we find ourselves working with 2 kinds of clients when it comes to this topic: the kind who want to leave the relationship and are afraid of being told to stay (whether it is for financial, religious, or moral reasons) and those who want to stay in the relationship but are afraid of being told they are crazy for staying and should thus leave or divorce. So, will we tell you to stay in a relationship or leave it? The answer is no.

We work with lots of couples, and we have seen a little bit of everything. With that being said, we really value marriage and the fulfillment that comes with a healthy and highly satisfying relationship. On the other hand, we also value clients' individual needs and how sometimes the way to live a life of fulfillment means to leave a relationship that doesn't allow for safety, security, and satisfaction. It is our job to meet clients where they are at and support them in their decision making. This means that we are not at all invested in whether you stay in the relationship or leave it. Sounds a little crazy coming from a couples clinic, right?

Here's our reasoning: If we get too invested in you working on your marriage when you really want to leave, you will likely feel judged, unable to be honest in session, and most likely won't see progress because you won't be invested in repairing the relationship. This simply isn't helpful for you. Also, if you really want to stay in the relationship but we are invested in you ending it, then you may feel like something is wrong for you for wanting to stay. Instead, our job is not to force you to stay or leave. Our job is to help you take a look at the relationship as a whole, all of the moving parts within the relationship, and yourself/your mate on an individual level so that you can make the best decision for YOU...and not what your well-meaning friends and family want you to do or think you should do.

We are invested in one thing: your integrity. If you decide to end the relationship, we have your back and will support you in your decision and help you navigate the next steps. If you decide that you're all in and you want to work on the relationship, then we have your back there and will support you in that decision. It is important to us that you get what you need, that you can be honest with your therapist, and that you can make decisions that feel authentic and genuine for you, so that you can begin to live an authentic life where you feel confident about your decisions. After all, they are your decisions...not someone else's. 

You may be wondering, "but what if I am torn and I don't know what decision to make?" That's ok. We can meet you where you're at, explore all your options, consider all factors, and examine your needs so that we can help you arrive at a decision that is best for you and your mate. And if you need some time to figure it all out, that's ok. We will have your back, no matter what.

Ready to start exploring what the next best step is for you and your relationship without judgment or force? We are here to help. Call today at 678-796-8255 or schedule online and let's see how we can get started.