How to Transform Your Marriage: The Courage to Break Free from Old Patterns

At Therapy Co. Counseling, we know that marriage isn’t about perfection; it’s about growth. Every relationship experiences moments of joy, connection, and intimacy—but also moments of misunderstanding, frustration, and pain. When those challenges arise, many couples feel stuck, replaying the same arguments, avoiding the same issues, or silently drifting apart.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve wondered: “Can we really fix this?” The good news is, the answer is yes. Healing is possible, and it starts with what Terry Real, the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT), calls "full-respect living." We like to teach couples how to lovingly goo toe-to-toe with each other where there is mutual respect, a strong back, and an open heart.

Why Patterns Keep You Stuck

One of the most powerful insights in RLT is the idea that we all carry emotional baggage from our past into our relationships. Whether it’s the coping mechanisms we developed in childhood or the ways we’ve learned to defend ourselves, these patterns often sabotage the very intimacy we long for.

Here’s the tricky part: most couples don’t realize they’re caught in these destructive cycles. You may think you’re arguing about money, parenting, or chores, but underneath, you’re likely battling feelings of disconnection, unworthiness, or resentment…and years of either being unable to communicate it clearly, or be heard in a way that moves toward repairing it.

At Therapy Co., we help couples in Carrollton, Atlanta, and across Georgia identify and break these patterns, creating a path to authentic connection.

What Does Breaking Free Look Like?

Imagine this: Instead of replaying that same argument about who’s right or wrong, you and your partner pause to ask, “What’s really going on here?” Instead of reacting defensively, you lean in with curiosity. Instead of feeling like opponents, you become a team again.

This is the heart of RLT: stepping into radical accountability and learning new skills to build emotional closeness. It’s not about blaming or shaming—it's about growing.

Some of the shifts we help couples make include:

• Moving from defensiveness to openness.

• Replacing criticism with clear, loving communication.

• Recognizing the deeper wounds that drive conflict—and learning how to heal them together.

Therapy That Meets You Where You Are

We know life is busy. Whether you’re in Metro Atlanta, West Georgia, or beyond, Therapy Co. Counseling is here to help couples create lasting change. Sure, you’ll learn skills and tools for relationship health, but what happens when you go home and a fight happens and those skills go out the window? We work with the part of you that won’t use those skills when you go home…the deeper parts of you that are driving the relational issues in your marriage. Our team offers both in-person and virtual therapy sessions so you can access expert support in a way that fits your schedule. Busy and can’t come weekly? We offer intensives so you can deep drive and cover a lot of ground in a few hours or a half a day..whatever prolonged length of time you agree upon with your therapist.

And let’s face it: the most important investment you can make isn’t in a car, house, or vacation—it’s in the health of your relationship. When you and your partner are connected, everything else in life becomes easier to navigate. Couples who are connected have improved health, make more money, have happier children.

Ready to Transform Your Marriage?

Your relationship doesn’t have to stay stuck in the same patterns. At Therapy & Co. Counseling, we use proven techniques, including Relational Life Therapy, to help you create a relationship built on mutual respect, deep understanding, and lasting intimacy.

Schedule a consultation with us today, and take the first step toward a stronger, healthier, more connected marriage.

You deserve a love that grows—and we’re here to help you find it. Email or call/text to book a free phone consultation with one of our therapists.

When the Honeymoon Phase Ends...And How to Get it Back

When you first meet and fall in love with someone, it is exhilarating. It feels fun, new, and exciting, and there is a spark, passion, fireworks even! You’re sending thoughtful texts, saying all the right things, taking time to bring your best self to the table to make a good impression. Maybe you care a little more about how you dress, how you smell, how you look, your breath, keeping a clean car, having good manners during a date. Maybe you shave more often, fix your hair, get a wax or a manicure. Maybe you seduce your partner with sexy words, thoughts, or pictures, or activities. Perhaps you wear that sexy little negligee or spontaneously pounce.

So you decide to get married. And maybe have kids. And then you're trying to cram sex into a 15 minute window after the kids are asleep, with leg stubble, before the exhaustion or headaches set in. And all of a sudden, you're at the place you swore you’d never be and realize that the honeymoon is over.

It is totally natural and normal for our romantic relationships to take a backseat, especially after responsibilities, mortgages, and kids are in the scene (much less the daily wear and tear of life).

But the honeymoon phase can be revitalized with one word: EFFORT.

In the beginning, if we had a date planned, we had days to sit and think about it. What will I wear? Where will we go? What will we do? Where will we eat? Who will make the first move? What will we talk about? Will he propose? Will she let me get to third base? Etc. We have time to create anticipation! We get to wonder, fantasize, percolate, simmer, creating an intoxicating concoction for the psyche and the libido.

In the beginning, you put forth effort.

Planning the right date or activity.

Telling your partner how excited you are and are looking forward to time together.

Not being caught dead with hairy legs.

Making sure you don’t pass gas or let your date watch you poop.

Opening doors or pulling out chairs.

Not complaining when she orders the more expensive dessert or wine.

Making sure you're turned into your date/partner and not zoned out on your phone, sitting in silence.

Being kind, charming, considerate.

Asking about shared hobbies, interests, how their day went, what they want in life.

Refraining from talking about unsexy stuff like your hemorrhoid, debt, or the color of your child’s snot.

It is no wonder that one of the most common problems we see in our office is boredom, feeling like roommates, feeling no passion or romance, and like the honeymoon phase is over.

That is a really scary place to be because then you may wonder:

• Is this as good as it gets?
• Is something wrong?
• Are we normal?
• Is my partner un-attracted to me?
• Am I good enough?
• Why don’t I have any desire in me?
• Why aren’t we having sex?
• I love my partner, but maybe we aren't in love anymore.
• I wish it was how it used to be.
• Maybe I married the wrong person.
• Maybe monogamy isn’t for me.

Or maybe you:

• Flirt with friends or coworkers.
• Consider an affair.
• Work more.
• Hook up with someone else.
• Keep it a secret and hope for the best.
• Start nagging your partner to be more romantic.
• Start pressuring your partner for more sex.
• Drink or smoke more, or partake in recreational drug use.
• Feel disconnected.
• Start fighting.
• Stop having sex altogether.
• Try to use new positions and toys to spice things up.
• Resort to porn and more frequent masturbation.

This is just a small list. Keeping the honeymoon phase alive or revitalizing it requires being mindful. Ensuring we stop falling into roles that don’t allow a sex life to exist...roles that fuel regrets, nostalgia from the past, things that you miss because you’re now parents. We must put in EFFORT to make sure that we don’t become too familial with a lover. Nobody has to be a martyr, you’re not sacrificing the sexual part of yourself just because you're no longer singer, young, free, and so forth. No need to give up that part of your life. It just takes work to keep it an adventure with your lover.

Esther Perel, a well-known couples and sex therapist, refers to this as “mating in captivity.” In fact, she wrote a book called “Mating in Captivity.” Basically, we can’t take each other for granted. Domesticity, responsibility, safety, security, comfort, companionship all make for a great marriage, but leave little room for eroticism. And we wonder why the romance fizzles. We have to learn to balance stability and spontaneity. If you're mating in captivity and feel like you're in this “cage” with your partner, rather than being pissed that you're in the cage with only one other person, consider where within the cage can you roam? What can do you do within this space? How can you get creative? Can you swing from this tree over here? Or jump on that stump over there?

Consider this a new beginning. Would you want to date you? What advice would you give your best friend who came to you with this problem? How do you treat each other now verses when you were first dating? I guarantee there was more effort involved. And if putting in work sounds tiring, just know, it is more work and more uncomfortable to stay in a crappy place sexually than it is to do and try fun new things.

So go out there, put in some effort, bring your best self to the table. Consider sex therapy.

If you want some help getting started or want to see if you're on the right track, call us to make an appointment at 678-796-8255, or schedule email coaching, book online, or request a free consultation with our sex therapist.

When You Want to Stop Couples Counseling

As couples therapists here at our center, we devote our professional careers to helping couples restore, re-ignite, and rejuvenate their relationships to their former glory and beyond. We are committed to helping couples who feel like they are in a relationship “crisis” or a really rocky place get to a place that feels “good.” And other times, we help couples who are feeling “good” get to a place that feels “great.” Often times that is attainable, and other times, we therapists have our own challenges when a couple decides to end the relationship. We can often see lots of deep, meaningful, and “great” work to still be done, and yet we sometimes will hear the thing we don’t want to hear:

“We have decided to end things, so we won’t be coming back to therapy.”

This decision might make sense to you, but marriage counselors aren’t just here for those who are married. We can do great work even when you decide to split. Here are some things that we therapists wish you knew before you decide to cold-turkey the therapeutic relationship.

Support.

While your answer seems clear now, it is possible you are going to encounter some pain moving forward. Ending a relationship is rarely enjoyable or easy. There may come a time in the foreseeable future that having the support of someone who knows about you and your situation and how you operate in relationships will be beneficial. Well-meaning friends and family may not be able to give you unbiased feedback.

You can't divorce yourself.

It is a false belief that if you end the relationship, you will be free of drama, chaos, or problems. You can divorce your partner, but you can’t divorce yourself. It is important that you have insight about how you relate to yourself, other people, the world around you, and how you relate to problems, challenges, of difficulties you face so that you don’t repeat old relationship patterns and take baggage from unsuccessful relationships into the next one.

Conquer the Fear of Failure.

Ending a relationship is not a failure. A divorce or breakup is not a failure. It is only a failure if you don’t learn something from it. This may mean that you have to take a look at some difficult truths (he/she may not ever change, you may have allowed or tolerated behavior you weren’t ok with, you may have compromised your integrity in the relationship and lost your sense of self, your partner was abusive, etc). At the end of the day, you can walk away smarter, wiser, and more confident about the direction you're heading in.

DeCoupling.

You may need some help navigating how to un-couple from your partner. Do you move out? Try a separation? File for divorce? What is your identity now without this other person? Rediscovering your new sense of self outside the relationship and what brings you joy and happiness will be essential.

You have individual needs.

This can be a great opportunity to shift from couples work to individual work. Just because the relationship didn’t work, doesn’t mean you can’t be a greater version of yourself. You can restore confidence, self esteem, work through limiting beliefs you have about the ended relationship, or sort through shame you may have. You can learn to trust yourself and your own mind, learn how to trust others, and the world around you.

Build Trust.

After a relationship ends, you may feel jaded, cold, resentful, or you may put a wall up in future relationships. Working with a therapist individually after the relationship ends can help you learn the ingredients of trust, what to look for, and how to ultimately be true to yourself.

Set the Stage for Success.

When you have a greater sense of self, a new identity, clarity on the relationship’s demise and your role in that relationship, then you are prepared to have closure and re-open the gates to loving again. With a newfound sense of trust, an ability to be authentic, vulnerable, and having rediscovered joy, you are really investing in yourself and the possibility that the next relationship will thrive and you can finally get the love you want.

Are you ready to have peace of mind and heart when it comes to your love life? Whether you’re in a relationship or not, we would love to help. Call us today at 678-796-8522 or schedule an appointment online.

Couples Therapy: A Solution for Anxiety and Depression?

Imagine you’re happily coupled up in a wonderful relationship that you find satisfying and fulfilling. Now, imagine that your partner tells you they love you, but they’re no longer in love with you, or that they’re seeing someone else, or that they want out of the relationship. How might you feel? Worried? Upset? Devastated? Betrayed? Confused? Angry? Brokenhearted? Now, imagine that you’re naturally anxious or depressed but you are in a relationship with someone who can calm you in the storm, will have your back and support you, can bring you back from the edge, and can understand you even in the midst of your emotional pain. If relationship distress can have a negative impact on our emotional and physical health, can’t it be possible that secure relationships can have a positive impact on our emotional and physical health? Research and revolutionary science of romantic love is now suggesting that secure bonds are vital when we are struggling.

As humans, we are wired for connected. In fact, we are the only species wired for connection, and thus, wired for love. When we don’t have it, or when it is threatened, it is like cutting off our oxygen supply. And then, the panic sets in. We make attempt after attempt to be soothed and comforted, but sometimes we ask for love in the most unloving of ways, ways that our partners can’t hear, see, or understand. This leaves us feeling distant and disconnected. Since the brain can’t really differentiate between emotional pain and physical pain, it just senses pain is coming and prepares to either fight the bear, or run from it (cueing the flight or fight response). When we are in this primal panic, we begin to see our partner as the enemy and the source of our discomfort and pain. Love’s function is really about security and survival. In fact, love affects the immune system, and one of the biggest predictors in good outcomes in patients with chronic medical conditions (cancer, heart disease, etc) is a good support system. Some researchers also argue that supportive, loving connection can also be the antidote to addictions.

But in today’s age, we are becoming lonelier, more isolated, and more disengaged from ourselves, the world around us, and unfortunately, those we love. It is not ironic then that we are having higher numbers of stress, overwhelm, anxiety, and depression in our society. We are increasingly ashamed to admit we need people, fearing it makes us too “vulnerable” or too “needy” or “weak.” But, there is strength in love, loving, and allowing ourselves to be loved.

Love works magically to reduce stress hormones, and increasing dopamine levels, working to decrease anxiety and depression symptoms. Love can instill healthy behaviors, keeping us accountable with our health and wellness regimens (Men are more likely to go to the doctor for routine check-ups when in a committed relationship.) While you might not be able to completely eradicate anxiety or depression symptoms, we can certainly work on building bonds with those that we love to combat those symptoms. Many times, we notice a chicken-or-the-egg phenomenon: does my anxiety/depression affect my relationship, or does my relationship affect my anxiety/depression. And the answer is: both. Working with a couples therapist to reconnect, grow intimacy and desire, increase support and understanding, while learning to communicate effectively and be there for one another can be a natural, non-pathological way of managing intense moods or emotions.

Relationships can make the bad times tolerable and the good times extraordinary. And working on this is something that you can do together, which means you get to feel like a team that combats life’s struggles together, already fostering a greater sense of connection and support.

Are you interested in growing your relationship and using your romantic connection to combat stress, overwhelm, anxiety, or depression? We would love to help you and your mate revive a tired relationship or learn to feel closer, more engaged, and trust that you’ll be there for one another. Call us today at 678-796-8255 or schedule an appointment online.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

We begin serious relationships and marriages with the intention that it will last forever. We are hopeful, excited, in love. There is honesty, good communication, passion. We think it will always be this way. So, when you realize that your relationship is not what it used to be or not what you hoped it would turn out like, we naturally begin to ask ourselves “is this as good as it gets?” I get it. It seems like you’ve tried everything and nothing works. It may feel like your partner doesn’t communicate well, or doesn’t understand you, or doesn’t even care to change. You may begin to feel like you’re miserable and can’t help but wonder if it will always be this way or how much longer you can do this, eventually asking yourself “should I stay in this relationship or end it?” Can you relate to this? If so, here are a few tips to consider to help you make your decision.

Consider working with a trained professional.

A trained professional, such as a licensed marriage therapist can help you sort your thoughts and take a look at the bigger picture. It will also give you the opportunity to learn your relationship patterns and help you identify what is making the problem worse. You will get feedback and interventions that can help shake up that pattern so that you and your partner can begin to decide what needs to happen.

Has your relationship always been this way?

It is important that you take a look at if your partner or relationship has always been this way. Consider times when it was different, and take a close look at what was specifically different about those times. Was it different because you had date night? Or because him forgetting to take out the trash didn’t bother you back then? Did you spend more time together? Get back to basics and do things that worked for you in the past.

Are you saying yes out of fear?

If the only reason you are staying is because you are afraid of the unknown and are more comfortable with the familiar, ask yourself if you are compromising your personal integrity. In other words, are you betraying yourself to please others?

Your bottom line & dealbreakers.

Know what patterns or behaviors are absolutely inappropriate in your relationship. Know what your bottom line is that would lead you to walk away from the relationship. For example, could you heal from an affair, but be unable to heal if your spouse let your house go into foreclosure, or vice versa?

Children.

If you and your partner have children, they can certainly impact your decision. Consider what role, if any, your children are playing in your relationship and your decision to stay or leave. Also ask yourself what you may or may not be teaching children about relationships if you stay or leave.

Money.

Financial complications often leave people stuck. They are afraid to make a move because they fear they may not be able to afford to do so. This is common and something to consider when trying to discern if you should stay or leave. Consider what other supports you have in place. On the other hand, couples sometimes fight over money. So take into account if working a different job or taking on a small part time job would take some stress and pressure off your spouse (and thus, improve the relationship).

Pattern of behavior or single event?

Often times, couples struggle with addiction, betrayal, infidelity, abuse or violence, or emotional unavailability. Consider if this behavior is a single event or a repeated pattern of behavior. Did you marry your spouse despite the fact he/she was unfaithful to you prior to the marriage? Does your spouse continue to call you names in front of your children? Did your partner have too much to drink one night and make a bad decision? If there are repeat behaviors, you have to consider if you’re willing to stay if this behavior continues. Also consider if your partner is willing to change this behavior and is open to taking the steps needed to receive support in helping to do so.

Be willing to sit in your truth.

It may mean you have to take a long hard look in the mirror and get real with yourself, or make a difficult decision that you may not want to make. It may be painful to see the truth (not making excuses for your partner or yourself, not minimizing the pain or the behavior or justifying your position, or avoiding thinking about it all together.) It may seem like avoidance can help, but it will eventually make matters worse.

What role do you play in this?

Examine how you may have shaped this relationship. Did you bring your best self to the table? If not, take a look at what would be different about you if you did.

Toxicity.

Sometimes really great individuals don’t always make the best partners for each other. Ask yourself if you as an individual is good for the relationship and if the relationship is good for both of you as individuals.

But there’s someone else.

If there is someone else romantically involved, know that it will be very difficult to work on this relationship/marriage and arrive to a decision when there is someone bright and shiny on the outside. Don’t use your mistress/lover as a healthy comparison to your current relationship. For example, if you’re on a strict diet where you can’t have sugar or carbs, ice cream looks really appealing. So, if you choose to ditch your diet and eat tons of ice cream, it may feel good in the moment. Over time, you may find that you have unhealthy sugar levels and have gained weight. Bright and shiny doesn’t always mean better. If you want to work on your relationship in counseling, it will be important that you stop contact with the third party so that you can bring your best self to the table. This will give you an accurate idea of is this relationship can work rather than a skewed view because you only gave your best 50%. 100% is required.

Coming to a decision is difficult work and there are lots of factors to consider. If you’ve can relate to any of this, and you would like some help sorting out your relationship and deciding if you should stay or go, I’d love to help. You don’t have to do this alone. Call today at 678-796-8255 or schedule online now.

HOW DOES COUPLES THERAPY WORK?

Perhaps you’re considering working with a couples therapist to improve your relationship, but may be wondering how it works. Here’s a bit about what you can expect to learn when you work with a therapist that specializes in working with couples and relationships.

Your therapist will assess you as a couple, asking questions about your relationship to gather some context and will likely ask some questions about your family to get a bigger picture of everything that is going on that may contribute to the issues popping up in your relationship. Your therapist will be on the lookout for patterns that keep you stuck, deeper issues that suggest what you’re really fighting about, and what it is you’re really trying to communicate to each other. Couples therapy can help you create:

Clarity. Sometimes couples come to therapy trying to decide if they want to work on the relationship or if they want to end it. Working with a therapist can help give you clarity and help you decide if you want to rebuild a marriage, make a renewed commitment, or clarify reasons to end the relationship.

Perspective. Your therapist will teach you that you can’t argue perspective, which is where many couples get tripped up. You will learn to take into account each other’s opinions and perspectives and rather than arguing about which one is right, learning that both are valid. This can provide a neutral territory to help couples work through tough issues or touchy subjects or even put aside emotional baggage that could be holding you back in your relationship.

Education. It is helpful if you know a little bit about how therapy works. Your therapist can teach you a bit about romantic love and how you got off track, offering you some analysis based on your assessment. This information will set the foundation for you, so that you know where you got off track, and what you’ll be working toward. Your therapist will likely explain the process to you, helping you to understand that change won’t happen overnight. Sometimes after leaving therapy, you will either feel good or you will have a fight. Neither means that therapy is or is not working. It just means you’re poking the bear a bit. You will probably feel some relief and get some good traction after a few sessions, but will likely fall into old patterns because they’re just not in your muscle memory yet. Continuing sessions gets you out of that rut and back on track quickly so that you can continue to learn and grow. Each time you hit a rut, it isn’t as deep and you learn to get out quickly without the help of your therapist. Usually, you’re seeing really good progress around session 8-10. It’s kind of like this: imagine you want to lose weight and you’re motivated and committed. You eat healthy and go to the gym for a week, but it probably doesn’t mean you hit your weight loss goal. You may be faced with feeling good or feeling defeated based on your progress or lack thereof. Wouldn’t it be nice if you had someone keeping you on track and motivating you to stick with it? Now imagine you’re a month into your weight loss journey and you’ve seen some progress. It becomes really easy to treat yourself by indulging in cheat meals or slacking at the gym, which will get you back where you started. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone alongside you see this pattern and encourage you to get back on track? Imagine you’re 6 months into your weight loss journey and now healthy eating and exercise is so ingrained in your daily lifestyle that you can’t imagine doing it differently. After all, you’ve met your goal, you look great, feel great, and perhaps you’re inspired to be a better parent, partner, employee, or friend. Now, it is in your muscle memory.

Communication. One of the biggest complaints I hear from couples is that they don’t know how to communicate. In reality, we are doing a lot of communicating (yelling, blaming, nagging, giving the cold shoulder or silent treatment), and none of it is actually a way to get closer. Your therapist can help you identify what is at the heart of the matter and hone in on what you’re really trying to communicate so that your positive intentions are not masked by hurtful behavior. You will learn how to listen, how to ask for what you need, how to respond in a way that leaves you feeling close and connected, and how to be heard and validated.

Honesty & Vulnerability. You will learn how to be more open than ever. Even if you’re not an “emotional” person or don’t like “deep conversations,” you can learn to communicate longings, fears, and frustrations, which requires some level of vulnerability. You will also learn the importance of vulnerability in a relationship, and what will happen if vulnerability cannot exist.

Conflict Resolution. Many couples learn to communicate well and begin to express when they’re upset or hurt, but many struggle to find a resolve. Working with a couples therapist can help you create solutions that work for both partners, and ask for what you need specifically. This coupled with your other tools gives you a foundation to help you solve future issues.

Trust. Did you know there are multiple ingredients to trust? Your therapist can help you identify the key ingredients to having a trusting relationship. If there has been an affair or a deep betrayal or loss of trust, your therapist can work with you to learn how to get it back by teaching you what to look for and how to have constructive conversations about it.

Intimacy. Couples therapy can help you to address emotional, physical, and sexual blocks that erode your intimacy or your ability to really draw close, engage with one another, and really know one another on an intimate level. This is sometimes the final change couples notice in the relationship, and the one that truly sustains them. Ending couples therapy early can rob you of finally achieving this really important ingredient to lasting love. Once you’ve achieved this, you will be able to say “my partner is really there for me when I really need them and meets my needs,” finally giving you peace of mind...and heart.

Looking for peace of mind and heart in your own relationship? Ready to give couple’s therapy a try? Let’s get started! Call me today at 678-796-8255 or schedule an appointment online 24/7!

WHAT HAPPENS IN COUPLES THERAPY?

Considering couples therapy or new to the counseling process? It is normal to be scared and nervous if you’ve never done it before and don’t know what to expect, or if you’ve been to counseling before but are now working with a new therapist.It would likely be helpful if you had some insight to what really happens in couples therapy. While each therapist may be a bit different in their approach, this is just an idea of what it could look like based on how things go when I work with couples. Here is some of what you can expect if you are considering couples therapy.

1. You get comfortable and ready for session. When my clients first arrive, they walk into the lounge/waiting area. It looks like a living room, equipped with couches near the fireplace, soft lighting, and reading material. The waiting room usually isn’t crowded, and I like to keep it that way as best as possible. You will have a moment to use the restroom, have a snack or beverage while you wait. There is not always a secretary or receptionist on duty, so you will have a moment to settle in before your therapist welcomes you and begins session. Depending on your therapist, you may spend a few moments completing paperwork. Some therapists will have you complete paperwork electronically before arriving.

2. Your therapist will greet you and will lead you to the therapy room. You may be offered a cold beverage or hot tea/coffee once in the room. I like to leave almonds and chocolates in the room for my clients, as well as notepads and pens in case you want to take a few notes.

3. In the first session, the therapist will usually spend some time getting to know the both of you, asking questions to gain some insight to your relationship background, and will ask some questions about what is bringing you to therapy. The therapist will be listening and assessing, working to get a sense of what the problem is and how to help you get from where you are to where you want to be. Sometimes, it is difficult to get all of the necessary information about the problem in one session, but the therapist should have a sense of if he/she can help you or not. Toward the end of session, the therapist will offer recommendations based on what is being discussed in session and will talk with you about how to best move forward, working with the you to develop a plan that works best for the both of you. The therapist will usually share a bit about how he/she works best and may provide you with some education about what happened to your relationship, what to expect in therapy moving forward, or you may be given homework or an opportunity to ask questions. Then, if you are a good fit together, you will be rescheduled for your next appointment.

4. In subsequent sessions, your therapist will remain neutral, never judging or blaming you, no matter how shameful or embarrassing the topic may be. You may get some individual time with your therapist to discuss your concerns about your relationship in private. Your therapist also will give you tools, strategies, new insights and perspectives, but they will never tell you if you should end the relationship or not, or if you’re doomed to fail or not. Your therapist presents you with information, and helps you decide where you stand. Your therapist should be invested in you keeping your integrity intact at all times. There may be moments where your therapist challenges you to think outside the box or to begin to think, behave, or relate in new ways that may be difficult at first.

5. As you continue attending your sessions, you will notice some relief and some progress. Your therapist will then discuss with you coming to therapy less frequently, to give you the opportunity to master your new skills independently (think of it like learning to ride a bicycle without training wheels).

6. Once you’ve reached your goals and you feel therapy is over, you will discuss a plan with your therapist about how to move forward, how to recognize warning signs in the future, how to have a plan of action to prevent issues from snowballing into bigger ones, or how you can now take a good relationship and turn it into a great relationship.

Ready to get started with a trained couples therapist? Call today at 678-796-8255 or schedule online 24/7. I look forward to hearing your story!

The Kiss of Death In Relationship

Christmas is quickly approaching. Sometimes the season is a little more exhilarating for some more than others. But nonetheless, we live in a culture where we are expected be cheery, delightful, spirited, and excited about the holiday craze. Before we know it, we find ourselves deciding what people we will be buying gifts for, what we will buy them, and how much we will spend on them. Sometimes, even those of us with the best of intentions can find ourselves thinking things like this:

“I’m not spending much on so-and-so this year...they always buy me a crappy gift.” 

“They never spend as much on me as I do on them.”

“I’m not buying them anything this year because they never bother getting me anything. Why should I care?”

Many of the couples I work with adopt this same mindset, but it persists throughout the year rather than just popping up at Christmas time. I often hear couples saying things like this:

“He never apologizes first, so I’m not going to either.”

“She never tells me what she wants in the bedroom, so I don’t tell her either.”

“He hurt me, and I want him to hurt back.”

“I’m going to treat him like he treats me and see how he likes that.”

“I gave the kids a bath and got them to bed last time. If you don’t do it tonight, I’m not going to help you when you need it.”

“I will have sex with you if you give me something in return.”

The problem with this mindset is that it is tit-for-tat, becoming cumbersome, burdensome, and full of rigidity, ultimately harboring anger, resentment, or breeding contempt in the relationship. The thing we often forget about love is that we have to give it the space to be genuine, authentic, and vulnerable. This means, we have to be willing to give without a guarantee we will get something in return. If we do things only hoping we will get something back, this becomes less of an intimate relationship and more of a scoresheet...a game where there is clearly a winner and a loser. Love cannot be spiteful or vindictive. 

So, this holiday season, may we remember to give without the expectation of receiving. May we act with integrity and give the gift we truly want to give instead of the gift we should give. May we treat others the way we WANT to be treated, rather than reflecting to them the way they already treat us. 

If this sounds like you, or you feel your relationship is looking more like a scoresheet, consider working with a therapist. A trained therapist will be happy to help you get out of the rut and figure out how to give and receive more love without anger or fighting. It is possible to feel more loved and appreciated in your relationship. 

Call today at 678-796-8255 and let’s see if we can work together or schedule an appointment online.