Often times, couples are broken into a few different categories:
- those who are together and happy
- those who are together and unhappy but are trying to repair the relationship
- those who are together, unhappy, and are not sure what they want to do (and are "stuck")
- and then those who have made the decision to end the relationship.
As couples therapists, we usually work with clients in the first 3 categories. But, who works with those who are ending a relationship, are going through a breakup or divorce, or are trying to get back on track after a relationship has ended? A marriage therapist can still be a great type of counselor to consider. Here’s how they can help:
Ending a relationship can often times be gut-wrenching. Couples often have to navigate how to separate themselves from the person they are so used to being in contact with. Couples also have to figure out lots of other complicated things: finances, children, pets, personal belongings, property, not to mention how to break the news to loved ones and so on. Working with a couples therapist in these circumstances can help you learn how to decouple and help you understand what to expect in that process. Many times, there is a grieving process, and one or both partners are devastated and in pain that the relationship has ended. A marriage therapist can help navigate you through discovering your new identity outside of your past relationship, grow your self esteem, and really focus on YOU and your growth and healing. If you’ve always viewed yourself as “his wife” or “the kids’ mom”, you may need a little nudge exploring yourself and who you are and really getting to know and like that person, or even exploring how to get back on your own feet and create a newfound independence. You can also reflect on the relationship and learn much needed lessons from it that will keep you focused on the future and potential solutions rather than stuck in the pain of the past.
At other times, relationships are so toxic, that ending it may come as a relief. Keep in mind that we often don’t take into account what to expect after we’ve made the decision to end the relationship. It is often the case that if we don’t examine the relationship, we will unknowingly repeat old relationship patterns that could contribute to the demise of future relationships or choose partners that are unhealthy for us.
Perhaps you have children together. Working with a marriage and family therapist can help you explore how to tell your children, how to support them, what reactions from them you can expect, how to identify your goals as parents and how to co-parent as peacefully and successfully as possible.
Eventually after the relationship has ended, and you may want to move forward into another relationship. Working with a marriage or couples therapist can help you navigate the dating world, how to know your boundaries in relationships, how to know what you want (and how to ask for it), how to measure if someone is trustworthy or not, and help you look at possible mates objectively so that you can take note of any red flags that may later be a deal-breaker for you.
We understand that ending a relationship is not always an easy decision. You may toggle back and forth and question if you’re doing the right thing or not. And ultimately, it is your decision. So, whether you’re wanting to be a better version of yourself, have some help dealing with the pain, understand what’s next, be the best parent possible, or avoid repeating old habits, working with a marriage therapist can be a really great step toward healing and moving forward.