We live in a culture where admitting to problems in our relationship is difficult, but seeking help for those problems is even more difficult.
Often times, we are quick to turn to well-meaning friends and family, only to ensue in a spouse-bashing session or to hear advice that is not quite so helpful rather than working with a skilled professional. Other times, we minimize the problem, pretend it doesn’t exist, and we portray the perfect image of what our relationship “should” look like.
In fact, most couples today wait an average of 7 years before they seek help with a problem. 7 years! Can you imagine the hard feelings, hurt, anger, resentment, or unmet needs or “bad” behavior that can happen in 7 years? It appears that we do these things because there is such shame tied to what it must mean for us if we do find ourselves struggling in our relationships with others. Today, I’d like to offer you 3 reasons why having problems in your relationship can be a good thing.
You’ve maxed out your current relationship potential.
While this sounds like a bad thing, it is actually a benefit. If you’ve maxed out your current relationship potential, it is a signal that you and your partner are ready for a change & ready to grow. Let’s think of it like this: if you’ve been going to the gym for months and really focusing on your health and nutrition and things are going well for you, you may notice after a while that you begin to plateau. While maintenance can be handy, it sometimes keeps us from continuing to improve. Sometimes we need help breaking a plateau. This means we have to dig deeper, work a bit harder to create some momentum again. The same is true for relationships. If you’re at a plateau (feeling stuck, or in a rut), it means progress and change are just around the corner if you’re willing to explore it.
2. Your relationship now becomes the priority.
Breakdowns in communication, parenting, or sex can be a good sign if we treat them as a cry for help. If we leave those issues unattended, we are neglecting our needs as well as the needs of our partner. Making the step to work with a trained therapist can shift our focus from the chaos and business of daily life to our relationship, ultimately helping us get more acquainted with each other and making the relationship the priority. I often see couples who come into session on their days off, and turn it into a mini-retreat, spending the day having lunch, shopping, and talking together. Other couples I see elect to find a sitter for the evening and treat themselves to a date, often having dinner either before or after session. Having someone hold you accountable to focus on your relationship satisfaction can be an intervention in and of itself.
3. You now have the opportunity to get closer.
Working on your relationship is an investment in yourself, your mate, your relationship, and your future. Increasing the awareness about the breakdowns in your relationship and making your relationship the priority can help you grow even closer to your partner. A couples therapist can help you evaluate what your emotional needs are as well as what behavior changes are a reflection of getting those needs met, and as a result, you can feel more connected, close, and engaged than ever. This will create a stronger foundation in your relationship, making you more resilient to future issues that may arise, and of course leaving you feeling more fulfilled and satisfied.
Feeling overwhelmed, underloved, or underappreciated? Noticing breakdowns in your communication, trust, parenting, or sex life? If you’re inspired to invest in yourself and relationship, we’d love to help. Don’t wait 7 years. Let’s tackle small issues while they’re still small and get excited about growth and change.
Call us at 678-796-8255 to speak with a licensed couples therapist about the warning signs you’re noticing. Ready to dive in? Schedule an appointment online 24/7.